I have been curious for some time as to the definition of "Mother" in the Bible.
I was asking myself:
How can I justify having to shut my "mother" out of my life?
How could the Word tell me to take care of her, honor her, become what she teaches me?
Where in the Bible does it define the Narcissistic Mother?
I kept thinking there has to be a definition. A loophole between the depiction of Mother in the Bible and my Mother with NPD. The "loophole" blatantly obvious, it was not.
I found depictions of narcissism in the Word easily;
Yet I question:
Am I picking and choosing words and sentences as definitions to make myself feel better?
Or has God really given me permission in the Word to shut out evil. To shut out my Mother with NPD?
A religious scholar, far from am I. In fact, I have only found my faith again in the last few years. Real Faith. Real Love of God. Real Trust in God. So God only knows (no pun intended) if I am interpreting accurately anything I read in the bible. Add in the DONM characteristic of low self esteem and that of my blinding denial and there you have it. Back to square "confused." Back to square "guilt."
In my "non scholarly" interpretations I saw that perhaps the Holy Spirit wanted to guide me to finally care for myself. ?
As a DONM (Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother) one knows it is really like having no "mother" to raise the child. Worse, an evil, hateful, torturous, scary, pain inflicting adult called "mom." A mother with NPD is an absent mom. Even though, in my case, the NPD mother figure was physically present. Present to control my every move. To manipulate my every emotion. To induce fears each day. To hold me responsible for her unpredictable moods. To be punished for being alive. To be punished for relying on her for anything. Even for needing food.
Are my findings for the definition of "mother" with NPD in the Bible guiding me to finally show myself love?. To finally find the safe place I have never known? To understand what it is like to have a loved one listen instead of redirect every conversation to them?
Is it time to stop feeling guilt? Feeling guilt over anything. Things I don't even comprehend. Another trait taught to us DONM. We were taught to own it all when we were too young to even speak.
Is it time to stop accepting the projections of my Narcissistic "mother?" .
To stop owning her erratic, reprehensible blaming and lashing out at myself and others? Stop owning her constant projecting of her narcissistic characteristics onto me and others? Never to take responsibility for her own actions. Blaming anyone but her. Never taking ownership in her martyristic mind. Her evil soul. Repetitiously inflicting her malevolent behavior onto family. Her pathological lying such the norm that I even questioned facts in front of me.
Perhaps my " denial blindness" is a learned trait. Perhaps it was a gift.
Is God guiding me to the narcissistic depictions in the Bible to tell me to shut the door to evil? To her? . Is my interpretation of mother in the bible correct in that it DOES NOT include this female person with NPD who bore me?
"Mommy Dearest" will have to find a new competitor.
I do not care what others think. Quiet your judgments if you have not walked in my shoes.You have no clue. Judge me all you like. I don't care. For I have had to predict and take responsibility for "her" emotions since before my memories could stick in my brain. My strength now is unsurpassed. So judge me for "leaving" my family. I mean no harm. No harm unlike the "mother" with NPD who intentionally inflicted harm on me even as an innocent child. The same "mother" you think I should not "leave."
And, BTW- for the record, my "mother" with NPD kicked me out of her life first. Kicked me out ( I'll describe that fun at some point) while I am battling cancer yet again. Perhaps I am no good to her now. I am either too ill and not useful, too ill which makes her work to top it with her made up illness, OR too pretty, too successful, too nice, too something or other in one direction or the other. A direction in the NPD mother's world the daughter is not supposed to be. For a mother with NPD cannot be needed. A child is a burden and the NPD mother will make it known forevermore. The mother with NPD also competes with her daughter. Competes instead of taking pride in her daughter as the good person she has become.
Yes indeed. She kicked me out of her life first. Again-lol. This time it is for good........ For good on my end.
Yet who can blame her as I am a terrible daughter for allowing her to pick a house of her choice for me to buy. I am a terrible daughter to kindheartedly care for her so that she'd never have to move again.So that she would be able to finally save for retirement.
Yet I came to find out with a mother with NPD, the control of everything is a must. Even controlling actions of a kind nature. A gift. My caring act was not on HER terms because the deed had to stay in my name for a few years per my accountant due to my tax situation.
How dare I! I guess living rent free for the rest of her life if she chose was not good enough for her.
Not having the title/deed in her name meant she'd have to remember to whom she told which lies. To whom did she boast that SHE bought the house or whatever facade she created in her grandiose sense of self head.
She'd have to recall he boasting she did about herself. Her amazing self, according to her.
In reality, the only self of hers that is tru is one that is jealous, envious, angry, deceiving, backstabbing, abusive, and just plain evil.
Could she even recall the lies she told her friends and acquaintances? Lies to make up for her envy because she repetitively envied that they "all had "money."
"Mommy Dearest" on the other hand only had her life choices and consequences of her actions.
Her grandiose sense of self. Which include her inability to accomplish a goal, perform honest hard work or do anything but cause harm and pain to others.
Mommy Dearest"" sees herself as a victim. A victim who now suffers without a title in her name. How awful. Instead she only has a forgiving kindhearted daughter that thought enough of family to take care of her. To make sure "Mommy Dearest" had a beautiful house and money in her pocket to make up for the lack of retirement she failed to save. A daughter who wanted to help and care for "Mommy Dearest" even when Mommy Dearest never helped in the daughter's success. A "Mommy Dearest" who even tried to halt her graduation from college. Now the daughter, the DONM, knows why:) Competition.
If the mother with NPD were not so self involved, she may have realized that no one would have to know who's name the title was in. Her daughter doesn't boast like she. Yet that would take the mother with NPD to realize her daughter is a good, respectful person. The NPD mother, "Mommy Dearest", would have to have focus on someone other than herself. Not happening. Ever. Unless there is a gain in it for "Mommy Dearest." No one will ever know what suffices as "gain" in the unhealthy, self centered mind of the "Mommy Dearest."
I forever close the door. I feel safety, love, calm, peace, grace.........All of the qualities I never knew as a DONM.
Not knowing my mother had NPD, I made a huge .......wonderful "mistake."
A mistake......I now call a blessing! My act would most likely be interpreted as gracious, loving, with honest good intention to you and I. Yet to a narcissistic mother, the act backfired beyond belief creating in her perhaps a feeling of loss of control. Perhaps a feeling of brutal disappointing truth in herself. Perhaps bringing a feeling of loss in the competition with her daughter that only she is aware. That only a narcissistic mother would ever think to create.
My well intended loving action to care for her only extended her tantrums and chaotic behavior beyond belief. Beyond belief with no rhyme or reason to confuse me even more as if I were that small child again manipulated and on the receiving end of those nonstop pathologic lies of hers. The confusion lasted for a few weeks until my Google search for "Why does my mom become a martyr. A victim in most situations."
Ta Da! Confusion no more. There it was. NPD- Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Careful not to put the first "label" or diagnosis on my mother, I researched and read extensively. Could this be true?
How could my mother have NPD and I am just now finding out in my 50s?
My husband had even purchased the book "Will I ever Be Good Enough" after he saw the author on Oprah. He is not a man in touch with feelings. He's the normal man in thoughtfulness which in my experience is about a 3 on a scale of 1-10. So the fact that this episode on Oprah persuaded him to actually buy me the book because he thought it described my mother's treatment of me should have been enough to open my eyes.
My mother is the convincing , funny, center of attention, make you laugh person who's cruel treatment of her family is secretive and only happens behind closed doors. So even the few times I shared with my husband the odd, manipulative behaviors, lies and ways of my mother; it seemed he thought I was lying. In my mind I thought, "He's right. Of course it is me making a big deal out of nothing. I am sure all parents are this way. It has to be me overreacting. For sure I knew I was not lying. But I could see how it sounded like the Twilight Zone. It had to be me." Me and my low self esteem. Add a dollop of denial and you have the perfect DONM (Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother) Sundae!
Perhaps denial kept me dreaming that I still had a chance at the "Brady Bunch" family. If I just led by example with patience, kindness, forgiveness, loving, giving and caring. Perhaps it would rub off on her.
Are you laughing yourself to tears right now? You should be! Because That is how funny I now realize my joke on myself was. Absolutely gut-busting laughter erupting WTFrick!!!!! An awesome reality of a joke. I CAN laugh at my "blindness" with you. :)
Not having a diagnosis or a definition, such as narcissism or NPD to pinpoint my mother's continuing and even worsening behaviors, the blatant truth of my family life escaped me until a few weeks ago.
So awhile back I followed the Bible.
I wanted to do what is right. To do what God expects. Do what makes the world right. I followed Joyce Meyers (TV evangelist) who bought her father a house and cared for him in his old age. The father who sexually abused her most of her childhood.
Wanting to be a good Christian, I wanted to care for my mother as the Bible says to do. To care for my mother with a kind heart, unconditionally, with the means God blessed my life with through hard work and fortitude. He blessed me with the intentions to always do the right thing, pay it forward, be generous, help the less fortunate and never give up.
The lesson here: God is NOT talking about our NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS! The definition of "Mother" in the Bible in no way describes our Narcissistic Mothers. If you want to find the definition of our Mothers with NPD in the Bible refer to "evil", the "enemy", the devil and any analogous words to describe the former such as "yeast", etc.
A good blog I found in my research today for the loophole separating Mothers with NPD from the real mother is http://tinagilbertson.wordpress.com/2012/04/28/estrangement/?blogsub=confirming#subscribe-blog. I hope it is proper etiquette to refer to another Blog on my Blogger. If not or if it is considered plagiarism of some sort, please give me feedback and I'll be happy to delete. I am new at this Blog thing.
What did I do you ask? What was my action that brought on so much hate from "Mommy Dearest?" I bought a house that my mother picked out to live in so that she and my stepfather could grow old in one house and never have to move from rental to rental again.
I am a horrible daughter, I know.
The loophole I found in the bible is that the narcicisstic person who bore a child does NOT deserve to be called mother. Nor does she match the description or the mercy due to mothers the Bible describes.
For she is Evil. Pure evil.
I will pray for her. I do forgive her. I will continue to work on having no fear of her. No worry over her next, predictable retaliative action. Her malevolent actions will be coming at me as long as she's alive.
I close the door to "Mommy Dearest."
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